Am I getting this right?

Oh, just when I think I figured 'it' out, 'it' changes..... That's how I feel about my body. YES, I understand that our bodies are going to change.... mine has morphed many times so far... I just mean the maintenance stuff.... Eating and sleeping and hydrating and supplementing and and and...

I have made several misturns in the last few days and am now paying (and praying) for it. I'm asking the Lord for wisdom on what to do and what not to do. He has already been faithful to answer me quite clearly on a few things.....

In this season of my life, if I have an event in the evening I need to rest during the day. Check.

If I have things going on all morning, I need to rest that evening. Check.

Don't eat sugar until AFTER you've had adequate protein, and only in little bits. CHECK.

Stay hydrated. Check.

Listen to the gentle nudges from my husband. Check.

If you feel stressed out as if you're doing too much, YOU ARE. Check.

Rest in the Lord, trust in His plan. Hmmmm, maybe not so check.


It seems like whenever I get a bit of my legs under me, I'm off and running... and right now running isn't pretty. It's wobbly and awkward, and you're likely to find me collapsed in a heap in someone's front yard.

The Lord is ever so patiently teaching me to 'heel'.

He is healing me, and heeling me at the same time.

I watched our little dog, Louie the Meatball, tonight on his leash and I was so irritated at the way he strains against my lead.... I implemented rudimentary heeling training immediately. It didn't take long and he was walking where he should be, but I knew that if I let him have his head he would be 6 feet ahead of me, front paws nearly off the ground, straining against my lead again.

Straining against my lead.......

Straining against..... His lead.

Oh how many times have I strained against the Lord's lead. I have either run ahead at lightning speed with my collar choking me, the beautiful tag of ownership with His name on it flapping wildly under my lolling tongue, only to be caught up short.

OR, I'm lagging behind. Front and back legs rigid, eyes closed, either terrified or simply full of my own rebellion and willfulness. I won't, I won't, I WON'T!

I am reminded this evening that the Lord has never wielded a 'newspaper' to my backside, strapped on a 'pinch collar', or employed an electric shock device.

Oh, I've had headlines that are hair raising wake me up for sure, experienced my fair share of pain, and been jolted back to my senses a time or two. But never by His hand.

Natural consequences, and a healthy dose of conscience have been doing their job just fine.

The Lord's hand has always been gentle with me. Strong when needed, but always kind. If there ever was an unruly pup, it has been me for sure. But He never has been harsh, or given up on me.

In a very small way my re-teaching Lou to heel is a reflection of the Lord reaffirming to me that I can trust Him. His timing, His way, His Lead.

He has all the wisdom I need to do this life, I just need to stay at His heel.

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O TASTE and see that the Lord, He IS good....

Fear is the most deceitful cage that you can be in. The Liar whispers the bars into place, and fashions the mist so that it appears the door is shut tight. Locked with no hope of release.

I have been in that cage, in a pit so deep I lost sight of the light at times. The whispers came slowly at first, and I tried with all my might to ignore them. What I truly needed to do was to take them with both hands and hurl them at the foot of the Cross where the blood of Jesus covers them so that they aren't even visible anymore.

I can say with every fiber of my being that there is NO darkness that can blot out the light of the Lord. No pain, no sadness, no despair that His Love does not go deeper still.

There are many things that the Lord is teaching me through this time, He certainly isn't wasting anything.

He doesn't despise us in our weakness, He isn't frustrated when we fall, and He is always faithful and close to the brokenhearted. Always.

I have tasted the bitter water of fear, have lived with the empty pit of hopelessness, have been robbed of my last shred of rational thought at times, and the Lord has lifted me up.... all with His strength, I had none.

He is my Redeemer, and the Lifter of my head.

I have tasted and seen, Jesus you are good.

For Better and For Worse

Marriage is no small commitment. To have, to hold, to live with, to love, to do and give our very best to another person everyday. That's a lot. But that's not all, it means being there when no one else is. Showing up when it's hard, or you're tired, or you've been showing up for a really long time and it isn't getting easier.

These last few months I have seen the definition of commitment lived out in front of my own eyes. As my husband walks through illness of various types with me, he keeps showing up. I feel pretty safe speaking for him here.... it hasn't been easy. I think some of the scariest moments of his life have been in the last few months, and I really hate that I have been the platter on which those moments have been served. On the other hand, if the Lord is using it (and I know He is) to shape Rick into the man He desires him to be, then okay. We don't get to pick which kind of vessel we are, we just need to be willing to be used.

That's not to say that I have been joyfully submitted to this season. I haven't. I have cried out for deliverance, wept with exhaustion, whined, grumped, been irritable, and begged God to just heal me. Please. A couple of times that has all happened in just one day. Then there are the hurricane grade panic attacks. Those have been the most harrowing of all for Rick. As he holds on to me, and I cling to him, I know that he has both spiritual hands gripped tight on Jesus trusting that He will guide us through. The Lord has walked us through several of these dark moments, I wouldn't wish them on an enemy, and I know that they are not in vain.

I trust, for various solid reasons, that the Lord is about the business of healing me. Not in the presto-change o kind of way that I would like, but through a process. I'm learning moderation. I'm learning to trust my husband, to listen to the Lord's still small voice, to take more time with my kids and love them for who they are right where they're at. I'm sure there are a lot more things that the Lord is teaching me, and that He will be faithful to show me all of that when the machinery upstairs is whirring as it should again.

For now I am in awe of the love that the Lord has given to this man I get to call my husband, and that he has chosen me for better and for worse.

He IS my Savior.......

The Lord is faithful. He is faithful to do what He said He would do. He is trustworthy, kind, gentle, and patient beyond compare. He is the best friend, brother, husband, confidant. He will never fail, never leave, never drop the ball, never turn away when things are ugly. He presses in when we turn away, He holds tighter when we are falling, He flies the banner of grace and love over prostitutes, murderers, and thieves. He is praying, He is preparing, He has been since before the beginning, and is seated with assurance of the End. He is Alive, He is REAL, He is Powerful, and He is COMING AGAIN. HE is JESUS, and HE is my SAVIOR! Call out His Name today, feel the relief, the release, the reality of the True and Living God. He is for every time, every situation, every one. He is GOD. Amen.

Shaken - June 10, 2009

I sit here at 3:46 a.m. shaken. Shaken by the effects of a prescription drug that I took for asthma. I had to take it because we are moving and have stirred up all the dust and dirt and mold spores that live in the house while going through all of our belongings. I had trouble breathing. Breathing. Trouble.

It got me thinking, there's a lot more being stirred up in me than around me these days. Change has a way of doing that. And there is a whole lot of that going on... I find myself at 1 day shy of 34 years old, with 5 children, preparing to be married in 17 days to a man who loves me for me, with the Lord's love. The kind that doesn't go anywhere no matter what is going on. Not to mention that my oldest child will be graduating High School tomorrow.

So, all this change has stirred up a lot of 'dust' in me, and there are times lately when I find it difficult to 'breathe'.

The dust is the things of the past, the wrongs done by me and to me. The worries and fears that I've had for as long as I can remember, and the realization that I'm not who I should be. Not by a long shot.

I'm a sinner, a miserable failure, a fabulous starter with a giant deficit of stick-to-itness. I see myself through the lens of the past, and the work that the Lord has done, and is doing, gets blurry. It's like putting on the glasses you had back in the 8th grade. (Well, I had them in 8th grade.) There is no way on Earth that I could see anything through those now!

I was reminded by a dear friend of mine that the best way to combat the shakiness is to remember the truth. And then she proceeded to remind me of it:


The truth is:

As a child of God, a believer in Jesus Christ, a Christian, I am:

Washed in the blood
Forgiven of EVERY sin
Whiter than snow
Welcomed with open arms
Loved beyond measure
Never alone
Assured of an Eternal Home
Precious
Fearfully and Wonderfully made
Justified (Just as If I'd never sinned at all)
A new Creation

I have:

Joy
Peace
A future and a hope
New Mercies every morning
Access to the God of all Creation
A friend that's closer than a brother
Life more abundantly
Grace

I can:

Look forward to the future
Rest
Make peace with my enemies
Go boldly before the throne
Pray without ceasing
Trust in the Lord
Let go of the past



I am so thankful for this friend who reminded me of the truth. When I think on these things my ability to 'breathe' is so much better. I remember that it is Him that gives me life and breath. That nothing surprises Him, and that He loves and loves and loves without ceasing. Just the thought that He remembers my sin NO MORE is enough to calm me. To think that the one who COULD hold all of my sin against me chose not to..... that is a miracle. That the one who took on all my sin and shame, and died in my place, holds me in His arms with His nail scarred hands and says, " Fear not, for I am God and I am with you."

2 Corinthians 4:8-10 (New Living Translation)

8 We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. 9 We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. 10 Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.

Psalm 103:14 (New Living Translation)


14 For he knows how weak we are;
he remembers we are only dust.


Fear not, stand firm, be not shaken, I AM God... and I AM with you.


Amen.

Why are you here?

Think about it.
On second thought, pray about it.

Ever wonder why you are where you are?
Was it selfish-ambition? Rebellion? Inaction?
Pride? Following the crowd? Doing what was expected of you?

As a follower of Christ it doesn't really matter why.
You are where you are, and that's exactly where
God wants to use you. He wants to use you to change
the world around you, right there. In the less than
ideal situation you may seem to find yourself in.
In your worn-out, beat up, shoes of compromise
he wants to teach you to run. He wants to use all
those weapons formed against you to shape you
into His image. Shake off the stupor of worry and
fear. Of insecurity and doubt. Of the LIE. We as a
people have bought a bill of goods, SO WHAT
give it back!

Oh! The truth shall set you free, and if the Son has
set you free you are free indeed!!! Walk in it, in
Newness of Life! Claim your redemption, wrap
yourself in the robe of His righteousness and SHINE!

The darker the night, the brighter the Light...

Don't be lulled to sleep by the crooning voice of
apathy! Or anchored to the floor by the weight
of guilt! YOU ARE FORGIVEN. YOU ARE MORE
THAN OVERCOMER!

Be encouraged today family...... God is ready to use
you NOW. In your life TODAY. Listen to Him!

Grace and Peace

Beautiful

Every girl wants to be beautiful. To be admired. To look in the mirror and see something that's pleasing. Boy I know that I've wanted that at times in my life more than AIR. Yet now, at this time in my life, I'm having to totally re-evaluate what beauty is exactly. When I say the word beauty, a tall, thin, long-haired woman does not come to mind. Not even hardly. I think of the colors in my husband's eyes, or the slight sparkle on a newly budded iris. I see the intricate insides of flowers, and the feather-like eyelashes of a sleeping newborn child. I realized sometime recently, that everything that I consider truly beautiful is real. Genuine. Not falsified in anyway. I love it that the Lord surrounds us daily with true beauty. No matter where we live, or what we're going through. He is the Truth, and there are reminders of Him everywhere.......... See Him?