Friday, April 9, 2010

Shaken - June 10, 2009

I sit here at 3:46 a.m. shaken. Shaken by the effects of a prescription drug that I took for asthma. I had to take it because we are moving and have stirred up all the dust and dirt and mold spores that live in the house while going through all of our belongings. I had trouble breathing. Breathing. Trouble.

It got me thinking, there's a lot more being stirred up in me than around me these days. Change has a way of doing that. And there is a whole lot of that going on... I find myself at 1 day shy of 34 years old, with 5 children, preparing to be married in 17 days to a man who loves me for me, with the Lord's love. The kind that doesn't go anywhere no matter what is going on. Not to mention that my oldest child will be graduating High School tomorrow.

So, all this change has stirred up a lot of 'dust' in me, and there are times lately when I find it difficult to 'breathe'.

The dust is the things of the past, the wrongs done by me and to me. The worries and fears that I've had for as long as I can remember, and the realization that I'm not who I should be. Not by a long shot.

I'm a sinner, a miserable failure, a fabulous starter with a giant deficit of stick-to-itness. I see myself through the lens of the past, and the work that the Lord has done, and is doing, gets blurry. It's like putting on the glasses you had back in the 8th grade. (Well, I had them in 8th grade.) There is no way on Earth that I could see anything through those now!

I was reminded by a dear friend of mine that the best way to combat the shakiness is to remember the truth. And then she proceeded to remind me of it:

The truth is:

As a child of God, a believer in Jesus Christ, a Christian, I am:

Washed in the blood
Forgiven of EVERY sin
Whiter than snow
Welcomed with open arms
Loved beyond measure
Never alone
Assured of an Eternal Home
Fearfully and Wonderfully made
Justified (Just as If I'd never sinned at all)
A new Creation

I have:

A future and a hope
New Mercies every morning
Access to the God of all Creation
A friend that's closer than a brother
Life more abundantly

I can:

Look forward to the future
Make peace with my enemies
Go boldly before the throne
Pray without ceasing
Trust in the Lord
Let go of the past

I am so thankful for this friend who reminded me of the truth. When I think on these things my ability to 'breathe' is so much better. I remember that it is Him that gives me life and breath. That nothing surprises Him, and that He loves and loves and loves without ceasing. Just the thought that He remembers my sin NO MORE is enough to calm me. To think that the one who COULD hold all of my sin against me chose not to..... that is a miracle. That the one who took on all my sin and shame, and died in my place, holds me in His arms with His nail scarred hands and says, " Fear not, for I am God and I am with you."

2 Corinthians 4:8-10 (New Living Translation)

8 We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. 9 We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. 10 Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.

Psalm 103:14 (New Living Translation)

14 For he knows how weak we are;
he remembers we are only dust.

Fear not, stand firm, be not shaken, I AM God... and I AM with you.


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